...But I Won't Do That

Can anyone explain to me why I have two ads for Meat Loaf concert tickets on my blog? Should Meat Loaf be a Meat of the Week?

Meet the World's Smartest Man

Man marries himself

A Chinese man has married himself to express his "dissatisfaction with reality."

Liu Ye, 39, from Zhuhai city, married a life sized foam cut-out of himself wearing a woman's bridal dress.

"There are many reasons for marrying myself, but mainly to express my dissatisfaction with reality," he said.

"This marriage makes me whole again. My definition of marriage is different from others."

The ceremony was held at a traditional courtyard packed with more than 100 guests.

The 'couple' were led out by a bridesmaid and a groomsman and bowed to ancestors and senior guests for blessings.

Liu says he is not gay, but admits he's "maybe a bit narcissistic," reports New Express.

Source: ananova.com

Mr. Belding Sings the Blues

My good friend Uncle Martian was having drinks in his favorite little karaoke dive in Los Angeles last night when none other than Dennis Haskins - better known as Mr. Belding from the classic television series "Saved By the Bell" - sauntered in and treated the crowd to a croon. Naturally, Uncle Martian whipped out his video camera and took some excellent footage. Watch Mr. Belding set the birthday girl's loins ablaze as he revs up his voice like a motor engine...he hasn't cut loose like this since his days as The Big Bopper on Bayside's radio station.

Meat Head of the Week: 100 Year Old Meat

100 Year Old Man Kicks Teenage Gang's Ass with 'Kung Fu'

A 100 year old British man told on Wednesday how he fought off a gang of teenage muggers using "kung fu".

After a night at the pub, Buster Martin began to head home. On his way home Buster Martin showed that, even at 100, he still knew how to handle himself when he was confronted by the teenagers after a night at the pub.

Whether it was the alcohol or nerves of steel, the World War II veteran (Buster joined the Grenadiers during WWII and fought in Burma, Belgium and France) scared his three attackers so much they fled empty-handed.

Mr Martin, a car washer-cum-mechanic for a plumbing firm, said: 'They just came at me and pushed me against a wall and tried to take my money from me.

'Then they pushed me on the floor and I went mad. I was lashing out on the floor and then I stood up and was kicking them all.

'The foot I used had been operated on a week before for an in-growing toenail. They must have done a good job on it because it worked bloody well.'

'I pushed one and kung fu kicked the other one between the legs and he let out a scream. They ran off scared after I did that and I still had all my money.'

Mr Martin was interviewed by police yesterday about the incident in Denmark Hill, South London, last Thursday night.

'They thought I was an easy target but they didn't realise what a fighter I can be. I've been fighting all my life ever since I was a kid,' he added.

100 year old Buster Martin, from nearby Lambeth, even turned up to work the next day despite needing hospital treatment for a bruised rib and a bump on the head.

He is well known for his work ethic, though – he had not taken a sickie for 80 years before an ingrown toenail forced him to take time off late last year.

Buster retired at 97 but he applied for the grease monkey’s job with Pimlico Plumbers in Lambeth, South London, after three months — because he found retirement “boring”.

Buster said: "There’s nothing like a good day’s hard grafting. I’m going to work until I die - which I reckon will be 125. There’s nothing doddery about me. I love getting my hands dirty and bossing these youngsters about.”

Bachelor Buster puts his good health down to “the odd daily pint, a walk to the library and press-ups”. He added: “When I feel like a drink I push all the old folks in my street down to the pub in their wheelchairs for a right good knees-up.”

Source: dailycognition.com

It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's...a Sodomite?

HAMPTON, Va. — A drill sergeant at Fort Eustis in Hampton is accused of forcing a male trainee to dress as Superman and submit to sexual acts.

Officials say Army Staff Sergeant Edmundo Estrada also faces charges of indecent assault, having an inappropriate relationship with a trainee, and cruelty and maltreatment of subordinates. The 35-year-old was arraigned in January and is scheduled to appear April 17 in a military court. He remains on active duty but is no longer a drill sergeant.

A search warrant affidavit filed in Hampton Circuit Court says officials began investigating Estrada in August after a soldier reported Estrada mistreated and sexually assaulted him.

The soldier told Estrada that he felt depressed after being relieved of his training status, and said Estrada suggested "a technique that he had used previously to help soldiers with their self-confidence and alleviate depression."

The soldier said he eventually was forced to "dress in a 'Superman' or similar outfit" while Estrada performed sexual acts on him.

Source: FOXNews.com

Lord T & Eloise: Aristocrunkin'

Check out this video from Memphis rap duo Lord T & Eloise, pioneers of the 'aristocrunk' movement. They have a genuinely good sound, and their satirical 'schtick' has success written all over it.

When Lord T begins to rap/sing one minute and 43 seconds into the song, notice how much he sounds like Cameron from Ferris Bueller's Day Off in the scene where Cameron calls school Principal Ed Rooney and pretends to be George Peterson, father of Sloane Peterson, Ferris' girlfriend ("Rooney, this is George Peterson...").

Here is a note from the duo on their official website:

Genetically engineered over generations of obscure royalty, Maurice Eloise XIII, Lord Treadwell, and Myster E are of "sang real rap" or translated to the current tongue - rap's royal blood. They have emerged from the past to save the present, waiting for the right moment to spread their gospel of the good life. At a time when rap hooks have degenerated to, excuse my pun, lyrical "laffy taffy" and verbose veneration of "rims, bitches, and benjamins," it is time to usher in a new era of consumption. As you dine on these rich melodies, be very careful that you drink your water; you may develop a case of gout. It is a common affliction amongst fans of these great Lords - Lord T & Eloise and the always elusive, Myster E.

A bientot,

Lord T & Eloise

I Know That Dude: Miguel Ferrer

Who: Miguel Ferrer

You Know Him From: RoboCop, Hot Shots! Part Deux, “Crossing Jordan”, DeepStar Six, “Twin Peaks”, Blank Check, Traffic

Marlon Brando. Cary Grant. Paul Newman. Jimmy Stewart. Jack Nicholson. Dustin Hoffman. Humphrey Bogart. Miguel Ferrer. I need not waste my breath and your time explaining the connection shared by these giants of the silver screen, legendary thespians whose respective talents transcend the millions of screens on which they entertain us. Today we celebrate Miguel Ferrer.

To steal a line from Will Ferrell-playing-James Lipton, I think I speak for all of us when I say that Miguel Ferrer makes Gandhi look like a child pornographer. You remember his bravery in the face of grave danger (at the hands of malfunctioning machine gun-armed robot prototype Ed 209) in the terrifying board room sequence of the second greatest film of 1987 (Summer School being the greatest…this is indisputable), RoboCop. He was downright loathsome as the turncoat Snyder, opposite the equally virtuosic Matt McCoy, in the 1989 science fiction film DeepStar Six, quite possibly the worst film ever created. And he dazzled and disgusted us as drug czar Eduardo Ruiz in Traffic.

But the defining moment of his career came opposite Charlie Sheen in the 1993 slapstick classic Hot Shots! Part Deux. In the film, Ferrer plays Commander Arvid Harbinger, a soft, empathetic man, whose bravery is forged in the heat of battle. Over the course of 90 hilarious minutes, we see Harbinger evolve from a sobbing pacifist to a veritable killing machine. In the process, we are treated to the following clip – one of those rare organic cinematic miracles – when the talent of an incomparable artist collides with the irrepressible winds of fate to create arguably the greatest thirteen seconds in modern American cinema.